


As Many Times As It Takes

by Eilera



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Established Relationship, Fluff, Groundhog Day, M/M, Matt Holt Big Bang, Matt Holt is a Badass, Space is Weird, Temporary Character Death, Time Loop, repeating day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-14 08:46:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17505377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eilera/pseuds/Eilera
Summary: “Please,” Matt begged to anyone that would listen. The Gods, the universe, the Lions,anyone. He said he would do it over, and over, and over again if it meant saving him. He wasn’t ready to give up yet.He would never be ready.“As many times as it takes,please.”





	As Many Times As It Takes

**Author's Note:**

> Finally, _finally_ I can post this! This fic has been ready since...October 2018, I think. This is my contribution to the [Matt Big Bang](https://mattbigbang.tumblr.com/) and I really hope you enjoy it. My partner was [dani-the-owl](https://dani-the-owl.tumblr.com/), but I haven't heard from them or gotten any art so I will update this once/if it comes in. 
> 
> This fic takes place post-season 6, so please ignore seasons 7 and 8. 
> 
> Special thanks to [DeathByStorm](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeathByStorm/works) for beta'ing as usual.
> 
> Also my thanks to [Kunfetti](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kunfetti/pseuds/Kunfetti/works) for her help as well.

Matt looked between the aliens and Shiro, Keith and Allura. God, he was so _bored_. Matt was not a diplomat. Not at all. There was a reason the rebels put him on communications as opposed to networking. He just couldn’t handle it.

Allura stood, calm and poised, dressed in her Altean finery. It was the only dress she was able to save before the Castle was destroyed. Keith was standing beside her, arms crossed over his chest. Classic Keith. Shiro was standing at attention, hands clasped behind his back. The perfect soldier.

Matt kind of wanted to climb him like a tree but now wasn’t really the time for that.

Later.

If he could convince Shiro to stop working for five minutes.

Matt was getting quite good at that, actually.

It was a source of endless amusement to him that Shiro and Keith, two introverts, were forced to chit chat with potential allies just because they were the leaders. Even though Shiro looked calm and in control on the outside, Matt was certain he was screaming on the inside. Keith also needed to work on his resting bitch face.

“We appreciate all that you have done for the universe. Those of us that have been fighting the Galra alone have been praying for assistance. We are honoured that Voltron has appeared to help.”

Matt squinted at the alien. In his time with the rebels, he had seen an innumerable amount of strange-looking beings, but these ones were certainly at the extreme end of that spectrum. They were almost like spirits, see-through and floaty. They hovered over the ground, not needing to move their legs to walk. Hunk and Romelle had just about passed out from fright at the sight of them.

“The honour is ours, truly,” Allura said, voice resonating with regal energy. “The Coalition is excited to have you.”

“I imagine it must be difficult organising and enacting plans in a war of this magnitude.”

Shiro smiled, rubbing the back of his neck. “There are some days I wish we could do over, but everything has really come together regardless.”

The aliens perked up. “Oh really? Perhaps we could…”

Matt tuned them out. He didn’t really need to be here. Instead, he started inching backwards, getting further and further away until he was closer to the other paladins and out of earshot.

Matt slumped back into a chair with a groan.

“Just go back to the lions. No one will care if you disappear for the rest of the night.”

Matt clutched at his heart, sliding so far down his chair that his head bent at an awkward angle against the back. “Pidge! Why are you so cruel?”

Pidge reached for those little creampuff-looking things as a waiter waltzed by. Matt had eaten one earlier. He could warn her, but she deserved what was coming.

“You make it so easy.” Pidge’s smug grin slipped right off her face as her brain processed what she’d just put in her mouth.

Matt smirked. “Tastes like grass, yeah?”

Pidge’s face crumbled with betrayal. Tears welled up in her eyes and Matt was up and out of his chair before he even realized it.

“Pidge, are you oka-“

Too late, he caught the mischievous sparkle in her eyes. Abort! Abort! He jerked back but he was too slow. She pounced on him and shoved a creampuff in his mouth, clamping her hand over his mouth and nose to force him to swallow or _die_. He struggled valiantly, but she clung to him like a particularly aggressive koala.

His entire body shivered in revulsion as the grass-puff slid down his throat in one giant, slimy mass.

Pidge’s superior grin would haunt him for the rest of his life.

Matt stayed sprawled on the ground as she let him go, crowing her victory to any that would listen. This was death. He was dead.

Lance leaned over him, his face blocking out the yellow, square clouds in the sky. “Aren’t you supposed to be the big brother here?” he asked, sticking out a hand to pull Matt to his feet.

“I let her win.”

Hunk snorted.

“What? I would never lie. I'm a trustworthy person.”

The others graced him with unimpressed looks.

“You know what?” Matt said with an over-the-top hurt look. “Why did I even come over here? I'm going to go back to the people who actually appreciate my presence.”

“Shiro's in the middle of negotiations, you're gonna die of boredom,” Pidge smirked.

Matt glanced back at the diplomatic group. The aliens had brought out someone new. They looked very old and Matt was having trouble focusing on them, almost like a television set that had gone fuzzy. He blinked his eyes, trying to clear it but it just made it worse. The alien seemed to be waving their hands at Shiro like a cheap fortune teller. Probably just some weird, alien ritual or something.

“Hey, they’re dancing over there, how about we join in?” Hunk said, pointing to the aliens twirling nearby. They were dancing somewhat violently, arms flailing and legs kicking out ridiculously.

Hell yeah, Matt wanted in on the weird alien boogie-time.

He grabbed Pidge’s hand, laughing as he dragged her onto the dance floor. She didn’t look particularly excited to be there, but Matt soon started challenging her to try and one up each other on dance moves and soon they were scaring their hosts with their wild flailing. Hunk, Lance and Romelle joined in, causing enough chaos that some of the aliens decided to stand back and watch.

Pidge, in an impressive show of dexterity and strength, somehow managed to twirl Matt so hard he stumbled right off the dance floor. Dizzy and disoriented, he tripped right into the diplomatic group, nearly braining Shiro with his elbow.

The elderly alien gasped, stumbling back, and Matt felt an odd pressure settle on his skull, right behind his eyes. His vision flashed white, so fast he almost thought he had imagined it. Shiro’s hands settled on his shoulders and the ground suddenly righted itself.

Matt blinked, looking around in confusion.

“What happened?”    

“Are you ok-“

“Paladins! We need you to return to your lions! There’s an important message from the Blades of Marmora!” Coran’s voice called out through their coms, and Shiro heaved a sigh.

“We’re sorry to cut this short, but we’re needed elsewhere.”

The leader wrung his hands nervously. “Oh, I must insist that-“

“Please reach out to us if you need any assistance,” Allura advised, nodding to them politely before taking off towards the Blue lion.

Matt shuffled after Shiro, feeling almost like he was floating.

What the hell had happened there?

He glanced back at the alien group. They were whispering to each other and the elderly one fretfully, gesturing towards the retreating paladins.

A dark sense of foreboding settled in Matt’s gut.

He didn’t have time to examine it as Shiro’s hand wrapped around his, pulling him into the Black Lion.

He was probably just imagining it.

\--------------------------------------------------------

_Day 1_

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Matt groaned, reaching out and swatting his arm around wildly. Eventually he hit something, and the sound stopped.

Blissful silence.

Slowly, he lifted his head and stared around blearily. Where was he?

His back creaked like a cheap laminate floor as he stretched. Oh. He’d fallen asleep in the lab again. Or, well, the makeshift lab. It was really just a tent with some tables straining under the weight of a vast assortment of technology, wiring and lights.

Shiro was going to be disappointed with him again.

“Matt.”

Oh shit. He’d summoned him.

“Shiro!” Matt said with forced cheerfulness, swinging around in his chair and praying he didn’t look as sleepy as he felt.

Shiro stood in the doorway of the Altean tent, one white eyebrow raising slowly. He crossed his arms.

Matt held out for an impressive amount of time, if he did say so himself. An entire thirty-four seconds of silence. A record.

“I’m sorry!” He burst out, dragging himself out of his chair to shuffle over to his boyfriend and fling his arms around his neck. “I’m weak, weak!”

Shiro sighed, tugging the brunette closer. “You really need to stop it with the all-nighters.”

“To be fair, I fell asleep at some point so…”

Shiro poked him in the side, causing him to yelp.

“Breakfast?”

It was a peace-offering if Matt had ever seen one. He stared up at Shiro, contemplating. “Who made it?”

Shiro’s smile was as beautiful as a sunrise. “You’re in luck. Hunk made a thing.”

“God, I love that man. I hate to break it to you, honey-bun, but I might have to marry him instead of you.”

Shiro’s quiet chuckle was a sweet song to Matt’s ears. “I love that you just assume he’ll say yes.”

Matt scoffed. “I don’t like what you’re implying, mister. I’m quite the catch.”

“You are,” Shiro murmured, arms tightening around Matt’s waist. He swooped down to capture his lips in a gentle kiss.

Matt’s heart skyrocketed into the stratosphere as he pressed up into that familiar touch.

Shiro leaned back pressing his forehead to Matt’s. “Don’t make me share you.”

Matt couldn’t stop his smile even if he wanted to. “I couldn’t do that to you, Carebear. I guess I’ll put off my nuptials with Hunk and stick with you instead. Never let it be said I’m not generous.”

Shiro snorted, pulling away. His hand slid down Matt’s arm to entangle their fingers together. “We should hurry before Keith and Pidge eat it all,” he said as he gently tugged Matt along.

Matt followed after him easily. He would tail this man to the ends of the universe if it meant he’d keep holding his hand.

\------------------------------------------------------

“Lance, on your six!”

“Got it!”

“Pidge, how’s it going with that scan?”

“Almost there, Shiro. Ten more dobashes!”

Matt watched as Shiro swerved around a Galra ship, slicing it neatly. He gripped onto his chair as Black shook with the explosion.

“I’m trying to work here,” Matt grumbled, though his tone indicated he was teasing.

“I’m kind of in the middle of a fight, Matt.”

“You’re supposed to be a once-in-a-lifetime pilot!” Matt grinned, typing furiously as he sorted out the data Pidge was feeding to him with her scan.

Shiro didn’t bother to respond, shooting up sharply as a laser tore through the sky. He purposefully did a vomit-educing barrel roll, nearly sending Matt’s computer flying. If he wasn’t already used to Shiro’s crazy flying, he would have lost it.

“You’re gonna have to try harder than that!” Matt laughed, glancing over at Shiro.

Just in time to see the metal rod hurtling straight for them.

“Shiro!”

The rod pierced right through Black’s eye, causing half the lights to dim. Matt’s stomach threatened to spill right out of his throat as Black lost altitude, slamming into the ground with enough force to fling Matt’s computer into the wall. Matt winced as sparks and broken glass crashed to the floor. Where the hell did that come from?

He opened his eyes, taking in the jagged hole in Shiro’s screen.

“What the hell was that?”

Shiro’s reply was a choked gasp.

“Shiro?”

Matt’s heart thumped as his shaking fingers struggled to remove his seatbelt. “Shiro!” He called again, but all he got in response was a wet sounding cough.

Stumbling towards his boyfriend, Matt’s heart stuttered to stop at the metal rod piercing right through Shiro’s chair. Blood dripped out the back, splattering onto the floor in a messy pool.

“No…” He breathed, moving to the front so he could see Shiro.

The metal rod went straight through his chest, just below his heart. His white armour was stained red, trailing down his chest and seeping into the cushions.

“M-att-“ Shiro gurgled. More blood splattered against Matt’s face as he coughed, struggling to breathe.

There was so much red.

There was…

“Shiro! Hold on, I-“ But what could he do? What could he-

Shiro’s eyes were wide, fingers twitching as he tried to reach for Matt. “I’m…s…rry…”

Matt shook his head, grasping Shiro’s hand in a white-knuckled grip, blood smearing his fingers. He needed to do something, stop the bleeding or, or just…

Why wasn’t his fucking brain _working_?

“Shiro, _please_ , don’t-“

Shiro tried to say something else, mouth working as his eyes clouded with pain. He looked up at Matt.

“Lo…ve...”

Matt saw the exact moment the life faded from Shiro’s eyes, leaving them glassy and dull.

Empty.

Lifeless.

Matt stumbled back, shaking.

This wasn’t happening.

This wasn’t _happening_.

He was so still.

He was-

\--------------------------------------------------------

_Day 2_

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Matt jerked up at the sound, adrenaline still coursing through his veins.

What? What was-

“Shiro!” He gasped, jumping up so quickly his chair crashed to the floor behind him. His eyes darted around the cockpit-

No. He was…back in the makeshift lab? What-

“Matt,” Shiro’s voice sounded behind him and Matt’s heart clenched so tightly his arm twitched.

“S-Shiro?” He murmured, turning slowly to take in his boyfriend, whole and healthy and _alive_.

Shiro took one look at Matt’s face and his eyes widened in alarm. He stepped forward, reaching out for Matt tentatively. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” He asked, wiping Matt's tears. Huh. He hadn't even realized that he was crying.

Matt clutched onto Shiro, the memory of blood and eyes clouded with pain still so _vivid_. Was…was it a dream?

“Let’s turn this off, okay?” Shiro said softly, reaching behind Matt to turn off the annoying beeping.

Matt hadn’t even noticed it. Shiro wrapped his arms tightly around him, pulling him into a hug. Matt clutched the back of his shirt, willing his heart to calm down.

It-

It must have been a nightmare.

“Did you have a bad dream?” Shiro asked, tilting his head so he could see Matt’s face better.

“I-yeah. I guess so.”

“Well, I’ll refrain from lecturing you on sleeping in the lab again.” He paused. “Breakfast?”

Matt looked up at Shiro with a frown. That sounded familiar.

Shiro seemed to interpret the frown as concern and he smiled. “You’re in luck. Hunk made a thing.”

 _Hunk made a thing_. What was going on?

Shiro’s hand slid down Matt’s arm to entangle their fingers together. “We should hurry before Keith and Pidge eat it all,” he said as he gently tugged Matt along.

Matt could have sworn-

He tightened his grip on Shiro’s hand and followed him out of the tent. He was just going to chock this all up to strange déjà vu.

\------------------------------------------------------

“Lance, on your six!”

“Got it!”

“Pidge, how’s it going with that scan?”

“Almost there, Shiro. Ten more dobashes!”

Matt watched as Shiro swerved around a Galra ship, slicing it neatly. He gripped onto his chair as Black shook with the explosion.

He could have sworn all of this had happened before. Usually, when he had moments of déjà vu, it only lasted for a few seconds, not an entire day. Had he slipped into some weird time loop? Or was he just overthinking it?

Shiro shot up sharply through the sky and Matt moved to grip his computer tightly just in time to save it from flying around the cockpit as Shiro purposefully did a vomit-educing barrel roll. No, this was the same. This was exactly the same. That meant-

“Shiro, look out!”

Shiro swerved around the metal rod just in the nick of time, the edges of it scraping along Black’s belly. Matt breathed a sigh of relief.

“Good job spotting that,” Shiro grinned, eyes sparkling in the way they always did whenever he was flying free.

Matt returned his smile with just as much fire.

He’d saved Shiro’s life.

It was a good feeling.

\------------------------------------------------------

“Thank you, paladins of Voltron, for saving our planet. Words cannot express our gratitude.”

“We’re glad that we could help,” Allura smiled, shaking one of the alien’s many hands. “That’s what we’re here for.”

“We’ve heard stories of the paladins of Voltron, but we never expected them to be true.” The leader’s eyes sparkled with an emotion, so powerful it took Matt a moment to recognize it.

Hope.

That was what the paladins gave to the universe. Hope for a brighter future. One not tainted by slavery or torn apart by an empire of ruthless dictators. It felt great to be a part of that new future. Even if he wasn’t a paladin they were all working towards the same goal.

Matt stared wistfully at the lions along with all the other aliens as they towered over the procession of survivors desperately trying to get a glimpse of the fabled lions. They were made of a technology they would never fully grasp. Matt longed to understand it, to decipher and maybe duplicate it. Allura had tried to explain some of it to him, but even he couldn’t wrap his brain around the logistics of it all.

“To thank you for your bravery, we’d like to present you with these fruits. They are from our sacred garden, harvested only during times of celebration and unity.”

Allura accepted her offering with royal grace as the aliens passed around a basket full of large, round objects. They looked similar to apples but were yellow in colour.

Hunk excitedly took a bite of his, closing his eyes in bliss at the taste. “This. Is. Amazing.”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full.” Pidge glared, dodging bits of food as Hunk talked.

“They truly are delicious,” Allura agreed, waiting until she’d swallowed her bite like a proper lady.

“You want a bite?” Shiro asked, offering his piece to Matt.

“It’s fine, snuggle bun. Go ahead.”

Shiro nodded, tangling the fingers of his free hand with Matt’s as he took a bite of his fruit. He gave a pleased hum as he chewed, obviously enjoying the flavour.

Lance stared wistfully at the remains of his fruit. It was nearly gone, he’d eaten it so fast. “Do you think they’ll give us some more to take on the road?”

“Don’t,” Shiro said, giving Lance a stern look. “They said it was sacred, just-“ he cut off with a cough. “Sorry, just leave it be.”

“No wonder these are sacred, they are _so good_ ,” Hunk moaned as he chewed on another bite.

Shiro coughed again and Matt glanced at him. “Swallow it the wrong way?” He laughed, squeezing his hand.

“I-“ Shiro cut off with yet another cough and Matt frowned, moving so he was standing in front of Shiro.

“Shiro?”

“I-I can’t-“ Shiro sucked in a desperate breath, face pale as he struggled for air. His hand twitched in Matt’s grip as he looked at him, eyes wide with fear.

“Shiro!”

No, no, not again. Matt had stopped it. Matt had-

“Shiro!”

\--------------------------------------------------------

_Day 3_

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Matt’s head snapped up sharply.

He was back in the tent, his alarm blaring at him incessantly.

Something was wrong.

“Matt?” Shiro’s voice sounded behind him and Matt closed his eyes, taking a steadying breath.

“Shiro,” he said slowly, reaching over to turn off the alarm and spinning his chair around to take in his partner.

Shiro frowned, already picking up on the anxiety rolling around in Matt’s gut. “What’s wrong?”

“I-“ Matt cut himself off, heart constricting. Would Shiro believe him? This was a level of crazy that he wasn’t sure anyone could accept.

Shiro stepped forward, wrapping his arms around him in a tight embrace. “Hey, seriously, what’s wrong?”

Matt’s fingers dug into the fabric of Shiro’s shirt. He could feel the warmth of his body through the thin material, heart thumping gently against Matt’s chest. He’d watched this man die twice already. He couldn’t handle it again. He closed his eyes, letting his body sink into Shiro’s. “You know I love you, right?”

Shiro’s fingers twitched against Matt’s neck. He leaned back, giving Matt a small smile. “I love you, too.”

Matt’s smile mirrored Shiro’s and he pressed forward again, tugging the taller man into another hug.

Shiro’s laughter rumbled through Matt’s heart. “Breakfast? You’re in luck, Hunk made a thing.”

Matt’s heart jolted at that familiar phrase.

He was putting a stop to this. He would save Shiro again and again if he had to.

As many times as it takes, he would do it.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

“I’ll take Black and head for-“

“No!” Matt snapped.

The room fell quiet as everyone stared at Matt in confusion.

Shiro blinked at him. “Why?”

Matt’s head raced as he desperately searched for an excuse. “Uh, the lions sometimes mess with the connection of my equipment. I think it would be best if you took one of the rebel ships and Keith flew Black. Just for this mission.”

“Oh,” Shiro paused, considering. “I think we can make that work.”

Matt breathed a quiet sigh of relief, muscles relaxing. Maybe if he could change things up enough, he could break this cycle and save Shiro. It was worth a shot. That’s what they did in those movies, wasn’t it?

As the meeting wrapped up, Matt could feel Pidge’s eyes boring into his soul. Shit. She was suspicious. Of course she would figure it out.

As everyone else filtered out of the room, Pidge held back, fiddling with her tablet.

Matt tried to slip out of the room, but she stopped him with a sharp look.

“You going to tell me what’s going on, Matt?”

Matt hesitated, fingers digging into his thigh as he slowly turned towards her. “What are you talking about?”

She rolled her eyes, stepping towards him. “’The lions sometimes mess with my connections’? Are you kidding me? You might fool the others, but not me.”

Should he lie? Make up an excuse? Run from the room?

No. He couldn’t do that to her.

Matt sighed, shoulders slumping. “I should have known.”

Pidge just raised an eyebrow at him, the perfect image of an unamused sibling.

Well, fine then, he’d tell her the truth. “I’m stuck in a time loop.”

Pidge’s other eyebrow rose up to join its twin. She was silent for a moment, contemplating. “Okay.”

Matt nearly fell over. “That’s it? Just ‘okay’?”

Pidge shrugged. “It’s a possibility. Space is weird.”

Yeah, that about summed it up.

“So,” Pidge continued, adjusting her glasses. “You think that Shiro not flying the Black Lion will stop this time loop?”

For a brief moment, Matt could feel Shiro’s blood on his hands as the Black Paladin choked, terrified, as the light died from his eyes.

“Matt?”

“I-I hope it will.”

Pidge seemed to sense his distress because she stepped up closer to him, wrapping her noodle arms around his waist and pulling him into a hug. Matt melted into her, letting his cheek rest on the top of her head.

“Can you tell me about it?” She mumbled into his chest, fingers digging into his shirt.

Matt swallowed.

Would she really believe him?

Well, if anyone was going to believe him, it would be her.

“Yeah.”

\--------------------------------------------------------

Matt grabbed onto a strap hanging from the ceiling as Shiro careened around a bit of Galra shrapnel with Matt’s rebel ship. He catapulted upwards at a nauseating speed, and Matt would have been tossed from his seat if he hadn't been strapped in.

Shiro looked like he was having the time of his life, eyes wild and sparkling.

“Flying Black is great but sometimes I just want to do everything myself.”

Matt nodded as he typed away at his tablet while simultaneously trying to keep an eye on Shiro. “Well if you break this fancy technology I'm telling them it was your fault. You can deal with Allura's fury.”

Shiro winced, flying a bit more smoothly. No one wanted the princess to be angry.

“I've almost got it,” Matt announced, scanning the code scrolling along his screen intently.

“It looks like Voltron's just about finished up.”

Matt carefully saved the code, taking care to include a backup just in case. He knew with his luck he'd lose at least one of them.

He looked up to smile at Shiro. “All done!”

Shiro glanced over his shoulder. “Good job, Matt, let's head-"

An alarm blared on the screen, sending the cockpit into a red glow from the emergency lights. Shiro frowned at the sensors, dark eyes scanning the equipment.

“We've got a group of Galra on our flank, closing in fast.” Shiro gritted his teeth as his fingers ghosted over the controls. “Is your seatbelt on?”

“Of course it-augh!”

Matt was slammed back in his seat as the rebel ship spun, dodging a laser blast. He hung from his seatbelt as Shiro swerved, still upside down, dodging two more shots like the goddamn pro he was.

“Keith! We need assistance!” Shiro yelled, voice strained as he righted the ship.

“Why are they going after them?” Hunk sounded near panic as Keith started barking orders.

“They must have traced the info to Matt's scanner. They're trying to stop us from getting it!” Pidge sounded furious.

“We’re coming, Shiro!” Keith promised, voice dark.

Matt's stomach leapt into his throat as Shiro executed a dive bomb, pulling up at the last second to skim across the blades of purple grass below.

“Shiro, pumpkin, I'm gonna lose Hunk’s delicious lunch at this rate.”

Shiro didn't reply as he slipped through a gap between two mountains. Matt watched as two Galra ships got too close to the edges and exploded.

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“Shiro, collapse it!”

Shiro, bless him, seemed to know exactly what Matt was getting at. He careened out of the mountain, pulling a gut-wrenching turn so he was facing back the way he came.

This little rebel ship didn't have much in the way of weaponry, but it certainly had enough to get the job done.

“Eat shit and die, losers!” Matt laughed as the lasers cut through the mountain. Rock and trees collapsed with a rumbling roar, crushing a large chunk of the Galra troops pursuing them. Dust and debris exploded from the wreckage, making it difficult to see anything.

Shiro didn't wait to watch, already turning to take off again.

Suddenly, the entire ship lurched, alarms blaring as a huge chunk of the ship ripped away. Wind, so powerful Matt could hardly keep his eyes open, swept through the cockpit like a raging tornado. Anything not strapped down was sucked out, one box of tools nearly brained Matt on its way out.

A single Galra ship had survived the collapse and was warming up for another shot. It was so close, he could almost see the pilot through the red windshield.

“Shit!” Matt yelped, fingers scrabbling at his tablet to prevent it from falling.

“Hold on!” Shiro roared, soaring up just in time to dodge the second shot.

The ship rumbled again, groaning with strain as Shiro pushed it to its limits. It listed to the side, smoke billowing from one thruster.

Matt took in the chaos, eyes wide as time seemed to slow. Anxiety scratched at the back of his brain incessantly, like nails scraping across a chalkboard.  

Not again.

Something keened a warning in his head, faint but incessant.

Not again.

Matt looked over at Shiro just in time to see his seatbelt snap.

Shiro cried out as he was sucked right out of his seat, fingers straining to grab into something to prevent his fall. He grasped for Matt’s hand, eyes wide.

“Shiro!” Matt screamed, reaching, _reaching_ -

Shiro was pulled right out of the ship and flung out into the sky. They were up so high, he didn't have-

“SHIR-”

\--------------------------------------------------------

_Day 16_

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Sixteen days. Sixteen fucking days in this stupid loop.

Matt had snuck off to reroute the distress signal in the hopes that that would stop them from trying to save that planet. It was selfish, but he would gladly accept that title if it meant Shiro was alive and well.

He couldn’t- no, he _wouldn’t_ give up on him.

Five loops ago Shiro had tripped while jogging and smashed his head _just right_ and that was it, he was gone. Two loops after that, Matt had gotten him to lift weights instead. Lance had startled him, he dropped one and the day restarted once more.

If this had been a television show, these incidents would have been backed by a laughter soundtrack and maybe Matt giving the camera an exasperated look.

This wasn't television.

No one was laughing.

In the end it didn’t matter. There was always some other planet in need of saving.

Sixteen days.

He was such a failure.

“Matt…”

Matt closed his eyes, willing the tears not to fall. He had to be strong for Shiro.

“Help is coming, Shiro. You just need to hold on, buttercup.”

Shiro huffed out a laugh but it swiftly shifted to hacking coughs, blood splattering the white of his armour. He groaned, letting his head fall back onto Matt’s shoulder.

“It’s cold.”

Matt ran his fingers through Shiro’s sweaty hair, doing his best to soothe him through the pain. He pulled him closer, trying to transfer his own body heat to Shiro’s swiftly cooling skin. Stomach wounds were nasty. He’d forced Shiro to cauterize it, but it didn’t help with the internal bleeding.

Shiro was dying and Matt was helpless to save him.

Again.

It wasn’t hard to decide which was worse: a sudden, shocking death or a slow, agonizing goodbye. The former was so fast Matt never had much time to react before it started all over again. The latter hurt. It hurt so much. But there was still that tiny scrap of hope that something would go right for once. That Matt wouldn’t fail this time.

“They’re coming, I promise you,” he murmured, pressing his lips to Shiro’s hair.

Shiro’s eyes were clouded as he looked up through the foliage, eyes trained on the stars. They’d almost made it the entire day. Would that have been enough to break this loop? If he could just get his act together, he could do _something_. Obviously, he was missing an important piece of the puzzle.

“Do you ‘member when we f’rst kissed?”

Matt ran his hand comfortingly down Shiro’s arm. “I was so nervous that I nearly missed.”

Shiro snorted again, fond eyes drifting over to Matt’s.

“What? You set me up for that.”

Shiro gave a non-committal hum, sagging against Matt even more. They were pressed up against a rock, hidden from view of the main road, praying they wouldn’t be found. It was unlikely, the inhabitants were too busy fighting the other paladins. They probably thought Matt and Shiro were dead after they tumbled down a cliff and into the trees.

Soon enough they’d be half right.

Matt’s chest compressed, so tightly he couldn’t breathe. He choked on a sob, bending forward so that he was curling around Shiro. His fingers gripped the edge of Shiro’s chestplate, slick with his blood. Matt pressed his lips into Shiro’s shoulder, shuddering as he struggled not to break down.

“Hey,” Shiro’s soft voice rumbled through Matt’s chest. “It’s okay.”

Gentle hands reached for him. Matt grabbed his prosthetic, pressing another kiss to his wrist.

“Don’t leave me.” It came out broken and torn, teetering on the edge of desperation.

Sixteen days.

Shiro shifted, turning so he could see Matt’s face better. He looked into Matt’s eyes as he cupped his cheek.

“I love you.”

Matt’s breath hitched. He’d said it before, a thousand times, but he never got tired of hearing it. What if-

What if he never got to hear it again?

What if sixteen was all he got and this was the end?

Every time the day restarted, he wondered.

Every time he had to face the thought of Shiro being gone for good, a piece of his soul broke.

Matt pressed his forehead to Shiro’s, watching as his best friend closed his eyes as if trying to memorize the feel of Matt.

“I love you, too,” Matt sobbed, clutching Shiro’s arms as his kissed him like it was the last time he’d get to do it. He wrapped his arms around him, helping to support him as Shiro sagged against him even more.

“Love you…so…much…” Shiro slurred into his neck, voice so quiet he could barely hear him.

“Love you more.”

“Love…you…most…”

Matt sat in the dark, listening to Shiro’s laboured breathing for another hour before the day restarted once more.

\--------------------------------------------------------

_Day 84_

Beep. Beep. Be-

The alarm made a satisfying crash as it smashed against something.

Matt sucked in a deep breath, covering his eyes with the palms of his hands. Eighty-three deaths. Eighty-three times he’d had to watch the love of his life die.

His breath wavered, tears threatening to escape. He couldn’t- what did he need to do to _save_ him? Was he even doing this right? Was that even the way to break this fucking loop?

He couldn’t take much more of this. He couldn’t-

“Matt,” Shiro called out, right on time.

He couldn’t lose him.

Not again.

“Shiro…” Matt choked, unable to hold back the stress of the last eighty-three days.

Shiro was at his side in seconds, pulling him out of his chair. His concerned eyes raked over Matt’s body, searching for injuries.

Matt was hurting, yes, but not anywhere Shiro would be able to see.

“Matt, are-”

Matt surged forward, crushing his lips into Shiro’s with desperate urgency. His fingers curled in Shiro’s shirt, refusing to let go as Shiro kissed him back.

Matt pulled back, just enough so that he could see Shiro’s face. “I need you to listen to me, _please_.”

Shiro’s eyes searched his, concern warring with alarm. “Always.”

“Just-just stay with me in bed today. All day. I- we can just relax and-and maybe study some star charts or- I don’t know just, I _need_ you to stay.”

Shiro blinked, clearly taken aback by the request and Matt’s urgency. For a moment, it looked like he was going to fight it, but something in Matt’s eyes stopped him short.

Matt pressed their foreheads together, fingers tightening around the fabric of his shirt. “Please, Takashi.”

Shiro cupped Matt’s cheek, using his thumb to wipe away more tears Matt didn’t realize had escaped. “Okay,” he said quietly, voice low and rumbly. “Just you and me. Are you going to tell me what this is all about?”

Relief sunk in, so deep Matt could feel it in his bones. “I’ll tell you everything.”

\--------------------------------------------------------

_Matt stared up at the stars, marvelling at the sheer number of them. Space was absolutely enormous, so large he couldn’t even fully comprehend it. And that was just the parts they knew about. There were probably hundreds of thousands of other galaxies out there, teeming with new discoveries and life._

_He couldn’t wait to go there, farther than any other human ever had before._

_“Do you think we’ll meet aliens?” Matt asked, glancing at his best friend laying next to him on the roof of his parent’s house._

_Shiro’s eyes stayed glued to the stars, but he stuck his right hand out towards them, a silhouette against the light. “Are you trying to tell me the great Matt Holt thinks there’s a possibility there_ aren’t _alien life-forms out there?”_

 _Matt scoffed, standing up and nearly tumbling right off the roof in his enthusiasm. “Shiro, my toasty tater tot, I_ know _there are aliens out there. I was just checking to make sure all those flying lessons hadn’t addled your brains.”_

_Shiro laughed, bright and warm, causing Matt’s heart to twitch in his chest._

_“You’re the one that blew up the science wing, not me.”_

_Matt squawked indignantly, trying to ignore Shiro’s striking smile. “I think you’re remembering that incorrectly. No one could prove it was me.”_

_“This is true, but you can’t hide the truth from me. Don’t worry, I won’t turn on you.”_

_“Of course you wou-”_

_Darkness. Inky black and cold._

_Matt shivered. These skin-tight bodysuits and purple t-shirts did nothing to reduce the chill of space. These aliens didn’t care that their captives weren’t protected by thick fur like them, in fact, they didn’t seem to care about anything._

_The light ahead was blinding, and Matt could hear the sound of thousands of voices clamouring over one another in an attempt to be heard. His feet shuffled awkwardly behind Shiro’s. Hesitant. Afraid._

_Terror sunk into his skin as the arena came into view, so large Matt could hardly see the other side._

_He couldn’t do this. He wasn’t a fighter._

_He was going to die here._

_Time skipped ahead, Shiro was crouched over him, face fierce and angry and not at all what Matt was used to._

I won’t turn on you.

_“I want blood!”_

_What was-_

_Shiro’s face softened, an emotion Matt didn’t dare examine swam brightly in his eyes. “Take care of your father.”_

_No._

_No, Shiro._

_“Shiro!” Matt reached for him, trying to grasp his arm, his hand,_ anything _. Don’t do this for me. Don’t. I can’t lose you. I can’t-_

 _He tried to stand up, to run towards his friend, to_ stop _his sacrifice._

 _Thick vines entwined around his arms, his legs, holding him down. Matt screamed, pulling on them with a desperation he’d never felt in his entire life. He needed to reach him, he needed to_ stop-

_The vines shuddered, hesitant and nervous, strangely gentle in their insistence that he- what? What did they want?_

_He couldn’t just let him go like that._

_He couldn’t-_

_The vines wrapped around him, strangely warm and comforting, completely at odds with the cold feeling of dreaddreaddread._

_Shiro!_

**_Wake up!_ **

Matt startled awake to fire.

Flames engulfed the tent he shared with Shiro, so bright, so hot it was difficult to breathe. Embers rained down from the ceiling, bits of sky poking through the tattered remnants of the tent. He coughed as smoke billowed around them, obscuring his vision and sending shooting spikes of pain through his throat.

Shiro was pulling on him, trying to get him out of the bed. They must have both been asleep when the fire started but Matt was certainly awake now.

“Sh-” Matt choked, reaching for the other man as he crawled out of the bed. “Shiro!”

“Move!” Shiro bellowed, voice full of authority even as he doubled-over with coughs.

Together they pushed through the room, moving towards the open door on all fours in an attempt to escape the smoke. Where were the others? How had no one noticed this fire?

The ceiling creaked ominously as a section collapsed in front of them, blocking their escape and setting the bed aflame.

“Matt!”

The brunette yelped as something lifted him with enough force that he sailed over the collapsed section and rolled right out the open flap of the tent.

Behind him, the rest of the tent gave up the fight, collapsing in on itself with a whoosh of fire, searing heat sinking into his skin like a hand held too close to flames.

Shiro wasn’t behind him.

Shiro was-

“SHIRO!” He gasped, eyes wide as he searched the area. There was no sign of him. There was-

“SH-” He coughed, ash and smoke clogging his airways as terror clawed up his chest. “SHIRO!”

Someone grabbed his arm, pulling him back forcefully but he yanked it away, pushing himself to his feet as he rushed back towards the flames. “Shir-”

“Matt, stop!”

“ _No_!” Matt roared, dread sinking into his stomach. “‘Kashi!”

He didn’t fail. He _couldn’t_ fail. Shiro was fine. He was-

\--------------------------------------------------------

_Day 128_

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Every day ended the same.

“Shiro, please-” Matt begged, arms sore as he continued chest compressions.

Water bubbled up from Shiro’s lips but they remained blue, no gasp of air or choking coughs to signify the CPR was working.

“ _Please-_ ”

Tears dripped onto Shiro’s face, tracking through the mud and revealing skin too pale, too cold-

\--------------------------------------------------------

_Day 199_

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Matt watched, helpless, as the building collapsed in on itself, thousands of pounds of cement and steel crushing everything inside. A keening roar in his head drowned out the cacophony of sound, like a TV stuck on static.

“Matt, I lo-” Shiro’s desperate voice cut off with a pained cry.

Stop.

This needed to sto-

\--------------------------------------------------------

_Day 212_

Beep. Beep. Beep.

The explosion was so strong, blasting Matt and the other paladins right off their feet.

“Shiro!”

Please.

No more. He cou-

\--------------------------------------------------------

_Day 277_

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Matt smashed through another Galra sentry, staff crashing with a satisfying crunch into the asshole’s face.

He reached for the cell door, yanking it open as his heart hammered with-

Blood. Too much of it for someone to possibly survive. They’d had him for nine hours.

Nine.

Hours.

Shiro’s fingers were broken, every single one of them as he reached for Matt. Shiro couldn’t speak without his-

There was so much blood.

Matt was drenched in it.

Two hundred and seventy-seven times.

Two hundred and seventy-seven times he’d failed to save him.

He wasn’t going to give up.

As many times as it takes, he wasn’t giving up.

\--------------------------------------------------------

_Day 322_

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Three hundred and twenty-one times.

Matt clenched his teeth as he struggled to hold them, fingers going numb as blood trickled down his arm.

He didn’t want to make it three hundred and twenty-two.

“Matt,” Shiro whispered, voice raspy and dulled and drowning with pain. “Let-”

“ _No_ ,” Matt snarled, desperation lending him enough strength to pull them both up a few inches before he sagged back down with a cry of pain.

Shiro’s fingers twitched in his left hand. Pidge’s were still in his right hand. She’d been unconscious for the last few minutes as Matt struggled to pull them both up from the edge of the cliff.

He was so tired.

Pain seared through his shoulders and down his back. He’d been injured trying to save them and it left him without the strength to pull them to safety.

There was nothing for Shiro to hold on to and he was quickly running out of _time_.

“Matt.”

Matt squeezed his eyes shut, carefully breathing through his nose. He didn’t like that tone.

“Shiro, don’t you dare-”

“Matt, let me go. If I die the day can restart, like you said.”

“Don’t make me do this, Shiro. I can’t, I _can’t_ -”

“I _know_ you can.” Shiro’s eyes were bright through the cracked screen of his helmet. “If you don’t get to that detonator soon this whole mission will be a failure. You need to let me go.”

Matt’s fingers tightened around Shiro’s wrist as he desperately tried to lift them both again. This time, they hardly budged, swinging precariously over the edge as he sank back down.

“I tried _so_ hard, Shiro, please-”

“I know, Matt, I _know_. You’ve done so well.”

“I-I-”

Matt couldn’t do this. He _couldn’t_. It was unthinkable.

He couldn’t let Pidge go. She’d searched for him for _months_ , broke into The Garrison to hack their computers. She’d risked everything for him. She travelled out into the vastness and uncertainty of space to find him. He could never let her go.

And Shiro, fuck, Shiro. He’d sacrificed himself for Matt. Walked into that arena with the full expectation that he was going to die. Shiro had spent most of his life having people give up on him. The last thing he wanted to do was follow in those many, many footsteps. Shiro had been through so much…

He couldn’t do this.

But if he didn’t, all of them were going to die. If he didn’t hit that detonator the Galra would win. Matt sucked in a wet breath, tears falling to splash on Shiro and Pidge’s helmets. His little sister was so pale, eyes closed as she hung lifeless from his grip.

“Matt.”

Matt sobbed at the sound of Shiro’s voice. He had that tone he often took when he was trying to be strong for others. He’d forgotten Matt knew him too well. He couldn’t fool him with that.

Shiro was scared.

“Matt, you need to let me go.”

If he let him go, this whole mess of a day would restart for the three hundred and twenty-third time.

“Takashi…”

“I love you so much,” Shiro gave him that lopsided smile he loved so much, eyes warm and caring and so, so comforting. He’d seen that smile a million times and he never got tired of it. It was something special Shiro reserved just for him.

He could remember a time that felt like ages ago, when Shiro’s hair was still all black and he was tossing paper balls at Matt’s head at the Garrison. Or when he broke down because he thought he’d missed a test. That dorky smile when he dressed up as Captain Kirk for Halloween.

He was the kindest and most sincere friend Matt could ever ask for.

He loved that brilliant smile, his beautiful face, his stupid floof.

The entire universe couldn’t contain his love for this man.

Matt had looked into those eyes so many times they were etched into his memory like a tattoo, forever branding him. They were soulmates. Now and forever.

He looked into his eyes now, trying to convey all of it in one single glance.

As many times as it takes.

“I love you, too.”

He _let go_.

With a cry, Matt pulled Pidge up with both hands, entire body shaking with emotion. He struggled to pull out the detonator from his nearby pack, fingers trembling so hard it took him several tries to input the correct code.

Pidge stirred beside him, hand automatically reaching for her cracked helmet.

“Matt?” she groaned, sitting up. “Where’s Shiro?”

Matt turned to look at her, feeling lost.

Why hadn’t the day restarted yet?

Where was that incessant fucking beeping that would haunt him in his nightmares until the end of his days?

Where was Shiro, greeting him from the tent door?

“Matt?”

Horror, so deep, so absolute, swept through him like a tidal wave, knocking the breath out of him in one fell swoop. What-

“Matt!”

His heart thundered in his chest, threatening to burst through his ribcage. He couldn’t breathe, gasping as he struggled to take in air, _fuck_ -

There was no way Shiro survived that fall.

Which meant-

“K- _Katie-”_ Matt choked, reaching her for with shaking hands as darkness crept up on the edges of his vision.

“Matt, breathe!”

“I-I killed Shiro,” Matt sobbed, gripping the edge of her chestplate hard enough it creaked. “I-it’s all...my fault, I-”

“Matt, what are you-”

He wanted to wake up now.

Why wasn’t he waking up?

\--------------------------------------------------------

Two months.

Two months since Shiro had died and the loop failed to repeat.

Two months since Matt had tried and failed to save him for the three hundred and twenty-second time.

Two months since they recovered Shiro’s corpse at the bottom of that gorge.

Shiro’s tent was cold. Dark. Lifeless.

It seeped into him, leaving him shivering as he curled up on the tiny bunk. He couldn’t smell Shiro in it anymore. Couldn’t bring himself to clean the undoubtedly disgusting sheets.

Shiro was gone.

Beside him, one of the tablets glowed faintly in the dark. He had a hundred different tabs open. All of them jam-packed with information on time travel, time loops, the space-time continuum. Anything Matt could get his hands on.

Pidge was curled up on the bed beside him. She'd finally passed out maybe an hour ago and he didn't have the heart to move her. He wiped her bangs gently from her face, revealing dark bags that were permanently etched in her skin. She had worked with him tirelessly, some bit of guilt resting heavily on her shoulders when all of it should have been on him.

He’d let him go.

Matt stared listlessly at the wall. His eyes felt so _heavy_ as he blinked slowly. He couldn’t sleep. He barely ate. He couldn’t bring himself to get out of bed most mornings. Couldn’t bring himself to care about much of anything. The rebels were frustrated with him, the paladins cold.

He’d let him go.

Sleep continued to elude him, but he couldn’t focus on the tablet. The symbols blurred before his eyes like a sloppy mosaic, impossible to read. His brain was exhausted, unable to translate the confusing Altean script anymore. He briefly considered making a translator, but the thought was gone before it really formed. He had no motivation. No passion.

He’d let him go.

Matt carefully slipped out of the bed, bare feet soft on the floor. He pulled the blankets up over Pidge’s curled body, tucking her in like he used to back when things were…better. Simpler.

Less lonely.

He wasn’t entirely sure where he was going, he just knew he couldn’t stand to be in Shiro’s tent any longer. The walls that had once been his refuge had suddenly become suffocating. Little things that reminded him of Shiro, things he didn’t want to let go of became too painful to ignore.

He padded outside. Somehow it was raining without any clouds. Before, that would have been something to explore further, but now…

It didn’t matter.

He looked up at the stars standing out brightly against the dark sky. He spared them only a brief glance. It hurt too much to look at them. Hurt too much to remember how much Shiro loved them. How many times they’d stared at them together.

Without realizing it, he ended up in front of the lions. They’d parked them a little way from their camp in an open clearing in the trees. This planet didn’t have much space to hide five enormous robot lions, but the trees helped. They needed to be able to get to them quickly.

Matt looked at them now, sitting proudly in the light of three moons. He had thought they were so amazing before. Such advanced technology the likes of which no one else had ever seen or been able to accurately duplicate. What kind of wonders were hidden under their armour? What kind of advances could they make if Matt just got a peek?

Now?

Now he couldn’t even muster up enough enthusiasm to take another step closer.

These beings were so far beyond anything Matt could comprehend. So far beyond what any of them could possibly imagine. Fuck, Black had kept Shiro’s _soul_ inside her for so long. It shouldn’t have been possible.

Allura had said he wasn’t there. Keith had checked, they’d all checked. Black hadn’t saved Shiro this time.

Just like Matt hadn’t saved him.

Anger, so powerful it nearly made him stumble, consumed him, burning away any lingering scrap of rationality he had been able to cling onto. He was _furious_ and he didn’t want to acknowledge _why_.

“You could have saved him,” Matt said quietly, voice trembling. “Why didn’t you save him?”

Black sat motionless, eyes dark and still. No reaction.

“ _Why didn’t you save him_!?” Matt roared, fury causing his fists to clench so tightly he was certain he should be bleeding.

Still, Black didn’t answer. She didn’t even deign to acknowledge him.

Matt stomped forward, feet splashing in puddles as his eyes lit up with rage. “You’re supposed to care about him and you, what, just ignored that he was in danger? Did he matter so little to you!?”

Tears. He was crying. God, he was so tired of crying, certain he had used them all up but, no, they just. Kept. Coming. It hurt, leaving his eyes puffy and sore and heavy. So goddamn heavy.

“You should have saved him!” Matt sobbed, slamming his fist into the Black Lion’s toe. Tears splashed onto the dark paint, joining the raindrops in their race to the ground. Pain shot through his arm, setting fire to the fury currently consuming him. “ _You should have saved him_!”

Silence.

“Why…” he whispered, sinking to his knees in the cold grass, heedless of the wet soaking into his pants. His chest heaved with sobs, loud in the lull of the forest. “Why couldn’t I save him?”

And that was the crux of it, wasn’t it? Matt wasn’t mad at Black, not really. He was mad at-

“I tried,” he gasped, choking on his own saliva as he sucked in a wet breath. “So many times. I can still feel his blood on my hands. Can still see the light leaving his eyes. I-I…I let him _go_.”

His fingers dug into the mud as he curled forward, unable to hold himself up with the weight of a loss so great he still couldn’t fathom it. Sobs wracked his body and left him a shaking, trembling, _useless_ lump on the ground. He couldn’t _breathe_ , struggling to take in air around the terrible, cloying _guilt_ suffocating him. He’d failed Shiro at every fucking turn. He’d had hundreds of opportunities to get it right and he’d _failed_.

And Shiro paid the price.

Shiro always paid the price for Matt’s weakness.

He’d paid it three hundred and twenty-two times.

“I miss him,” Matt said, voice so small he almost didn’t hear it himself over the pounding rain. “I miss him so much it hurts.”

He couldn’t stand the thought of not seeing Shiro’s sleepy eyes when Matt crawled into bed long after him. How he would wrap his arms around Matt with a tired huff and pass out again almost immediately. His smile whenever Matt woke up too late but at just the right time to catch Shiro’s morning workout routine. The mischievous sparkle in his eye whenever he was about to spit out the worst dad-joke imaginable.  

He was never going to see any of that again.

Never kiss those soft lips.

Never feel those hands on him, so strong and yet so gentle.

Never hear that laugh, warm and inviting and all-Shiro.

He was gone.

He was _gone_.

“ _Please_ ,” Matt begged to anyone that would listen. The Gods, the universe, the Lions, _anyone_. He said he would do it over, and over, and over again if it meant saving him. He wasn’t ready to give up yet.

He would _never_ be ready.

“As many times as it takes, _please_.”

He threw it out there never really expecting an answer but desperately hoping for one.

He wasn’t left disappointed.

Yellow eyes flashed in the back of his mind, a loud roar rushed through his veins, so powerful his vision went black-

\--------------------------------------------------------

_Day 323_

Matt’s eyes snapped open.

He was back. Back to that moment when everything fell apart.

It was like time was moving at a snail’s pace. Shiro was ducking as a Galra soldier swung at him with a sword, the low buzz of his glowing hand loud in the muffled silence. Even as Matt looked at him he saw the hundreds, no, _thousands_ of different directions the fight could take. Afterimages burned into the back of his eyelids like a movie reel; Shiro getting stabbed, Shiro snatching the blade and turning it on its owner, Shiro burning right through it as smoke sizzled from his fingers, Shiro falling, falling, falling…

Matt’s golden-brown eyes moved to Pidge. She was typing frantically, fingers blurring with speed yet somehow agonizingly slow. A Galra goon was sneaking up behind her, ready to strike. She reached for her bayard, eyes dark and sparking with fire. She electrified him, no, she was too slow and he shot her, wait, she dodged the shot and lassoed his gun away, shit, Shiro crashed into her and they fell...

Matt could see it all so clearly, all the lines of time branching off from one another, growing until it was so immense, so convoluted his brain couldn’t contain it. He wanted to scream, cry, laugh, _run_ until he collapsed. It was _toomuchnotenough_ , consuming him whole while filling him up, so fast and yet not fast enough, it was-

A path.

Matt had seen the conclusion of that branch. It was like picking up a book he’d already read and reading only the last page. He knew what had happened to lead to that moment, but it was the ending that was the clearest.

He could see himself moving, diving, sliding, _jumping_. Which route had the desired outcome? There.

Time resumed its normal pace, suddenly seeming much faster after the odd in-between of time and space. Sound crashed back into him, loud after being muted for so long. He slid along the ground, gun appearing in his hand without him consciously knowing how. It was several quick burst shots: one, two, three, four, easy to aim when he’d seen himself do it in fifty other timelines. The last remaining Galra’s gun flared with its shot, trained on Matt. Shiro’s wide eyes stared at him with horror, a mirror to Pidge’s stretched out hand.

Time slowed again, giving him a chance to sort through the variations. He could see himself collapsing, gunshot to the chest. No. He was falling over the edge, too slow to get to the detonator. Wait. He dodged it all, but the Galra aimed at Pidge instead.

The right path blazed before him, so bright he was nearly blinded by it.

He didn’t question it. He just _acted_.

Matt took his last moment to pull out the detonator, tossing it to Pidge even as the painful laser blast hit him right in the shoulder. Too close. Too close.

Gravity wrapped its arms around his torso, dragging him down, down, down over the edge of the cliff.

“Matt!” Two voices screamed in despair, two hands reaching for him, one large and one small, both so familiar.  

Too slow. Too slow.

He was falling, painfully slowly, like a used grocery bag floating on the wind. Down, down, down, no Beezer to save him this time.

Matt’s eyes calculated the paths and there was only one: death. A sudden and permanent meeting with the ground. He probably wouldn’t even feel it.

Just like Shiro.

He hoped they’d be okay without him.

The twin suns of the planet were rising in the distance as Matt hurtled to the ground, casting a pale green glow on his final resting place.

Wait. Green?

A ferocious roar rumbled through his brain, so strong, so powerful he cried out.

Suddenly, all of it made sense. The warning roars, the gentle vines, the glowing eyes, all of them pointing to-

“Green!” Matt gasped, and she was there, she was with him, charging down from the clouds like a shooting star to snatch him out of the air.

He tumbled into the cockpit a little more forcefully than he would have liked. _ReassuranceApologyReassurance_ washed over him, soothing the pain in his shoulder briefly as she gracefully skimmed along the ground.

It had been close.

His hand was clutching something tightly in his fist and he looked down to see the green bayard.

 _AcceptanceLoveAcceptance_.  

He didn’t realize he was crying until he felt the tears splash onto his dirty hands, cutting through the dirt and grime as they trickled onto the floor.

She saved him.

She saved Shiro.

She saved Pidge.

He placed his hand on the back of the pilot’s chair, curling in on himself as he let out a sob.

“Thank you.”

\--------------------------------------------------------

Cold.

It was so fucking cold.

What?

What was going on?

A pneumatic hiss surrounded him on all sides, something shifting in front of him. Blindly, he fell forward only for warm arms to catch him. His fingers felt along a pair of bulging biceps before sliding against a broad chest.

Shiro.

Matt forced his eyes open, blurry vision making it difficult to see. He blinked a few times to clear it, taking in the medical tent. Before he could examine much more, a pair of soft lips captured his, fingers digging into his arms desperately. Matt would know those lips anywhere and he pressed into them. Shiro was kissing him like the world was ending and it was the last thing he wanted before oblivion.

Shiro pulled back just enough so Matt could see him. He looked like shit, dark bags standing out starkly against his pale skin.

“You look like shit.”

Shiro huffed out a wet-sounding snort before swooping in again, this time crushing Matt against him so tightly Matt could feel his heart pounding a frantic rhythm in his chest. He ran his hand soothingly down Shiro’s back, taking a moment to revel in the feel of him.

He was-

Suddenly everything came back to him. Shiro’s many, many deaths. Trying and failing to stop it again and again and again. Desperation leaving him sick. The lions and Green and-

“ _Takashi_ …” Matt said, voice thick as he grabbed the other man’s face with both hands and pressed another kiss to his lips.

Shiro’s fingers dug into the skin-tight suit Matt was wearing. Matt would wonder why they’d put him in the one remaining healing pod later, right now he didn’t want to let Shiro go.

Shiro pulled him close again, tucking his nose to the crook of Matt’s neck. “I thought I lost you,” he whispered, voice shaking.

Tears dripped onto Matt’s shoulder, cold against the tight fabric.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Matt murmured, pressing a kiss to Shiro’s shoulder. “I lost you so many times I-”

He gasped, eyes widening. “Shiro, what day is it!?”

Shiro pulled back. His eyes were shining with unshed tears as he pressed their foreheads together. “You’ve been in the pod for three days. The loop is over. You saved me.”

They did it.

Green and Matt, together.

Matt grabbed Shiro’s hand, entwining their fingers together as he gave him a wobbly smile. “I’m going to make a terrible paladin. Pidge and I were never good at sharing.”

Shiro laughed. The sound was like the most beautiful song Matt had ever heard.

“I don’t think the Galra are prepared for you.”

Matt grinned. “I have the power of God and anime on my side.”

Shiro rolled his eyes, stepping back but keeping his hold on Matt’s hand. “Let’s not keep them waiting then.”

\--------------------------------------------------------

_Bonus_

“You seem to have a bit of a problem there, man,” Hunk said, nodding to Matt’s back with an amused sparkle in his eyes.

Matt gave an over-the-top sigh, shifting to accommodate the weight of Pidge clinging to his back like a particularly aggressive koala. She hadn’t let him go since he stepped out of the healing tent. “It’s a tumour, runs through the family.”

“That’s unfortunate.”

“It really is. It snores at night and steals my peanut butter.”

Pidge shifted. “That wasn’t me. You can’t prove it,” she mumbled into his shoulder.

“I don’t need to. I _know_ it, Pidgey Pie.”

Shiro wandered into the room, Hunk’s makeshift alien coffee in hand. He contemplated them both for a moment before his lips quirked up in a mischievous smile.

Fuck.

“Whoever can hold their position the longest gets first pick on movie night for a month.”

Pidge and Matt froze. A challenge had been set. And the Holts never backed down from a challenge.

\--------------------------------------------------------

In the end, Pidge won.

Matt couldn’t really find it in himself to be upset.

_The End_

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to talk to me about Voltron on [Tumblr](http://eilera-chan.tumblr.com/). :)


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